Today. Ugh today- was a really hard day. I think I had one of the most terrifying experiences. I was watching a few children today and a miscommunication happened leading to a child being lost for a minute. And yes, just a minute, and yes everything is fine now but I had some of the worst fear in my life today. I realized how important communication is.
Lately my ego has been so slashed to the ground- my frustration level has been running high. So with a few things bearing down- it feels like a thousand- I keep wearing at myself- saying "stupid stupid stupid". And I am reminded of how many times I said this. I had to stop myself. I had to remember the good parts. I have to remember the hug I got from one of the kids I was watching. I have to remember that I am okay. I have to remember to not fear all of the good things that can happen. And not be affraid to just live in it.
My ego has been beat up lately- but maybe it's a good thing. Maybe humbling, maybe lets me go through a fire to see what is true on the other side of potentiality- authenticity. I am not going to over play my thinking. Today al I wanted to do was say: "Life suck it."
Off to painting. I have weird energy and it's time to focus on something different.... or better yet... I am needing to be in it. And hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
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