The ship changed course and it was okay, I was able to see other options. I wasn't in my desolate black and white thinking. I was able to see a new shore. I was able to begin to breathe again and know that, baby, every little thing is going to be alright.

What happens when road blocks are present How do you take on a new meaning and perception if life just keeps putting curve balls in your face. For so long: loss was I. I was loss. I redefined and I want my meaning to be about gaining. I'm trying to gain, to embrace a "holy gaining" and all I am getting served is loss. Wtf. Come on life. I am trying and all I get is loss after the next. Throw this girl a bone- I sat on the Atlantic and I truly felt an authentic "I am ready" and all I get is subtraction. I am not good at math, however I am smart enough to understand that tides change and I am ready for my tide changer. Addition come to me (hehe). I am ready to embrace. Patience can be a little bitch sometimes, excuse the french.

Embrace your little monsters

Embrace your little monsters. Your little monsters can be many things, the insecurities and fears that creep up on you. I have mine and this past week I feel like I have indeed been reminded of my little monsters. I fear my little monsters, but I had a thought... maybe it is time to give a little lovin to my little monsters. Instead of fearing these creatures of doubt and insecurity... what would happen if I acknowledged them, sat with them, gave them some attention? What would it look like to be present with my little monsters, and if I faced them head on would they really be that scary? Would they be all that I had them cracked up to be, and maybe just maybe I might love my little monsters. After all, they indeed might keep me grounded, humbled, and in check. This week I was reminded of my little monsters and maybe it's okay to be attentive to them and they might just teach you a thing or two.

Tapas in dc and data collection almost complete. It is amazing how much I stressed over this. However I should up and advocated for the cause and for myself with awesome help from friends and it worked out. I am surprised at the responsiveness! I also wonder why I was so surprised. I realize I often speculate things won't work out and I feel a need to do it all but right when I walk in the Hyatt I was completely supported and people were genuinely excited for this study. There were kinks and mess ups but over all I feel like it was a success and I did to the best of my abilities. I can't wait to look at the data!

To fall in love with a city! Georgia, wow you have truly blown me away! Especially Savannah, you are mix of berkeley and small town san francisco with a hint of Davis. If traveling through savannah I highly recommend foxy Loxy cafe and Back in the day bakery. I am all about unique spaces especially for deliciousness going into my belly. This space is artirific, all of it. So inspired to paint and feeling alive traveling! I forgot how important recharge time is for me. Two days ago I sat on the beach at Tybee Island and how cool, porch swings on the beach. To be able to sit and reflect is so important to me and I forget that sometimes. It is easy for me to get wrapped up in the swing of things and give up a lot of myself to commitments. It is my do good caring nature. I put the other guy infront of myself at the risk of losing myself. Traveling and excursions on my own is refreshing it is a reminder to take care of myself. I will be ready to go forth with my dealio in California and excited for the things to come. Practicum and life excitement here I come, remembering take your time heather and know that you are capable. ... As for the mean time, time to drink more sweet tea and enjoy the south just a little bit longer. Feeling good.

Tapas in dc and data collection almost complete. It is amazing how much I stressed over this. However I showed up and advocated for the cause and for myself with awesome help from friends and it worked out. I am surprised at the responsiveness! I also wonder why I was so surprised. I realize I often speculate things won't work out and I feel a need to do it all but right when I walk in the Hyatt I was completely supported and people were genuinely excited for this study. There were kinks and mess ups but over all I feel like it was a success and I did to the best of my abilities. I can't wait to look at the data!

Attuned

Triggers and Being Attune Today talking about agency, triggers and being attune- guys this is good stuff! Have you ever felt, why do I attract certain types of unwanted attention or types of people in my life? I sure have. That has constantly been a replay in my mind when I come across people who over step boundaries. And for anyone who knows my funny awkward stories from bars and beyond, this is of common occurrence. I constantly question- why do I attract the creeps, the boundary violators, and obscure characters? This is a loaded question and puts my self to blame, that there is something about my innate nature that attracts these kinds of interactions. And I start self blaming and seem to let it happen to me. I justify it and I feel at fault. Today I was able to see an alternative view and put language into effect that maybe it is not "I attract this" but "I am highly attune to this behavior, I understand how it plays out, I have seen it, and so it is easy for me to pick up on obscure behavior and interactions. There is a lot more empowerment possibilities in the latter way of viewing weird interactions. All of the sudden I am no longer a victim to self blaming thoughts, instead I am able to see characteristics, identify, organize, and to be able to say I don't have to have this treatment/ interaction/ conversation, and that is okay. Today I feel empowered by the word of: "I am highly attuned". Which sounds kinda funny, but it gives me a lot of strength. So the next time I get an inappropriate rub on my head from a stranger, or conversation which is crossing boundaries that I can begin to say, I don't attract this, but I can see this and understand this, and I do not have to tolerate it. To my Alopecia Family, there should be a book of rights and in that remember: You do not have to engage in a conversation that you feel uncomfortable with. It is healthy to talk about your condition and experience and spread awareness, but you are not obligated. Like with anything your healthy and safety is number one. It is choppy waters and at times we are attune to so much, it can tiring. However, When you talk of Alopecia, let it be special and unique because you are, and keep shinning on.