Tapas in dc and data collection almost complete. It is amazing how much I stressed over this. However I should up and advocated for the cause and for myself with awesome help from friends and it worked out. I am surprised at the responsiveness! I also wonder why I was so surprised. I realize I often speculate things won't work out and I feel a need to do it all but right when I walk in the Hyatt I was completely supported and people were genuinely excited for this study. There were kinks and mess ups but over all I feel like it was a success and I did to the best of my abilities. I can't wait to look at the data!

To fall in love with a city! Georgia, wow you have truly blown me away! Especially Savannah, you are mix of berkeley and small town san francisco with a hint of Davis. If traveling through savannah I highly recommend foxy Loxy cafe and Back in the day bakery. I am all about unique spaces especially for deliciousness going into my belly. This space is artirific, all of it. So inspired to paint and feeling alive traveling! I forgot how important recharge time is for me. Two days ago I sat on the beach at Tybee Island and how cool, porch swings on the beach. To be able to sit and reflect is so important to me and I forget that sometimes. It is easy for me to get wrapped up in the swing of things and give up a lot of myself to commitments. It is my do good caring nature. I put the other guy infront of myself at the risk of losing myself. Traveling and excursions on my own is refreshing it is a reminder to take care of myself. I will be ready to go forth with my dealio in California and excited for the things to come. Practicum and life excitement here I come, remembering take your time heather and know that you are capable. ... As for the mean time, time to drink more sweet tea and enjoy the south just a little bit longer. Feeling good.

Tapas in dc and data collection almost complete. It is amazing how much I stressed over this. However I showed up and advocated for the cause and for myself with awesome help from friends and it worked out. I am surprised at the responsiveness! I also wonder why I was so surprised. I realize I often speculate things won't work out and I feel a need to do it all but right when I walk in the Hyatt I was completely supported and people were genuinely excited for this study. There were kinks and mess ups but over all I feel like it was a success and I did to the best of my abilities. I can't wait to look at the data!

Attuned

Triggers and Being Attune Today talking about agency, triggers and being attune- guys this is good stuff! Have you ever felt, why do I attract certain types of unwanted attention or types of people in my life? I sure have. That has constantly been a replay in my mind when I come across people who over step boundaries. And for anyone who knows my funny awkward stories from bars and beyond, this is of common occurrence. I constantly question- why do I attract the creeps, the boundary violators, and obscure characters? This is a loaded question and puts my self to blame, that there is something about my innate nature that attracts these kinds of interactions. And I start self blaming and seem to let it happen to me. I justify it and I feel at fault. Today I was able to see an alternative view and put language into effect that maybe it is not "I attract this" but "I am highly attune to this behavior, I understand how it plays out, I have seen it, and so it is easy for me to pick up on obscure behavior and interactions. There is a lot more empowerment possibilities in the latter way of viewing weird interactions. All of the sudden I am no longer a victim to self blaming thoughts, instead I am able to see characteristics, identify, organize, and to be able to say I don't have to have this treatment/ interaction/ conversation, and that is okay. Today I feel empowered by the word of: "I am highly attuned". Which sounds kinda funny, but it gives me a lot of strength. So the next time I get an inappropriate rub on my head from a stranger, or conversation which is crossing boundaries that I can begin to say, I don't attract this, but I can see this and understand this, and I do not have to tolerate it. To my Alopecia Family, there should be a book of rights and in that remember: You do not have to engage in a conversation that you feel uncomfortable with. It is healthy to talk about your condition and experience and spread awareness, but you are not obligated. Like with anything your healthy and safety is number one. It is choppy waters and at times we are attune to so much, it can tiring. However, When you talk of Alopecia, let it be special and unique because you are, and keep shinning on.

“Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I just realized one of my pet peeves. Canceling on people. I hate it. I have a weekend cleared which is good for thesis, catch up on rest and rejuvenation, and get over this little tickle in my throat but ughh ughhh so arduous for me. I know that some times canceling is needed but it annoys me a lot. I don't mind getting canceled on but I hate when I have to cancel. Hmm...

Finding Allies and the mirror Within

Today I realize the term "Ally"

Ally: to unite or form a connection or relation with another.

Thesis: A process of self doubt, constantly. Somewhere there is a flashing light that tells me to keep doing this. There is purpose and shine, shine, shine. But damn, why is it such a demanding, frustrating, intense experience? All week, I have been struggling with the sense of "I am the one writing this and I have to do it" and "what if no one cares?" What if this is all for myself? A support said, "well what if your research only benefits yourself? Innately, it is your nature to give back and to be concerned with the other, but what would it look like if your research only helped you? Would it be all bad?"

And I realize of course not. All of the sudden I thought of the meaning of passengers on plane in an emergency (dramatic as it is, but stay with me). Before a parent helps a child, they must put on their own oxygen mask. You can only help others, when you have fed oxygen to yourself.

I think of this thesis process as a challenge, maybe not quite an emergency per say, but it is a journey that is important to feed yourself. And at the end of the day I was fed, I was nourished to keep walking into my vocation and life, thus giving the energy to give in healthy ways.

Ally: are the people and the supports that really have and are reminding me to feed myself. Every week I run into class, high on caffeine and pressured that I didn't print three copies of my writing that I haven't done yet but was suppose to. I enter class and I see faces of everyone having the same face and the scent of coffee coming from my co-students. I take a deep breathe and realize that thesis is hard but by allies we can make it through. My classmates and I are on our way to make something really wonderful, out of all these ideas that will benefit self, the art therapy profession, and clients.

Ally: the people that tell me, "Great, your growing, but are you caring for yourself in the process?"

It's one thing to have people remind oneself to ask the tough questions and to reflect internally, but another to say- take care on the process. Find the ally residing inside of you. Don't be afraid to ask for help and admit that sometimes you need others to help you through. I want to ask the tough questions and I am ready to continue my journey without forgetting my tool of the mirror within, reminding myself all will be alright. All will be wonderful.