Today was an excellent day. I became a member of Glide! And my friend at this lovely community said... you join something when you know it's right. The right time. Two things have been going through my head. Where are the communities of social support? Identify them and cherish them. Secondly, this first semester has been a trial of understanding schedules- work loads- a new chapter. I realized that in my non-routine schedule for the first half of the semester I found my self lost- and I'll even admit a bit down in the dumps, until I drive over the bridge on my way to school- I am happy and alive. In love with a vocation that I feel it is calling me to let evolve how ever it does so.
But it was like clockwork- morning time- fill my time with computer as distraction- then feelings of "oh I gatta do something" so I then finally after walking around in circles. I do a little work- "not enough". I get ready for school- I get in my car and for the first half of my commute all my head can hear is "shoulda woulda coulda" "If I had not slacked I would on my game with school work" "If I just did this differently- things wouldn't have turned out the way they did." "Man heather you always do this." Then the fastrack booth- it beeps, and I go flying through, almost a rebirth- reminding me that I should not beat my self up- self affirmations that say "Heather you are great- love yourself today" as for the to do list.... baby steps, keep walking and baby steps. I cross the bridge and I wonder why do I have this thought routine everyday? I am tired of it. And I want a change. What are my sources of strength. Art, writing, support systems and community, physical exercise, and school. what are those baby steps to get my to do list done. And how can I pat myself on the back when I do those steps?
I headed to Glide today- because in all of the business of figuring out schedules, read, art assess, and so forth... I realized that I was lacking... my community. And I realize like dehydration- eventually you need to drink and be in it with others. Just as Glide is that for me, my Alopecia support group community- I cherish it- and I am really happy the support group meeting is coming soon. Also another, is the housemate I am feeling such support and authenticity with my program, my bouncing off the walls when on caffeine or when I having romantic issues. She checks me- yet cares- and even just let's me vent.
I feel like we all need communities to check each other- to hydrate- to drink. To be nourished from each others conversation, laughter, or sorrow. And Glide specifically is a methodist church- but it's much broader- it's about feeling nurtured yet told straight up what's up. I think everyone needs that beyond a church's walls. In the street, in the classroom, in the breakroom, in the local coffee shop. Who or what do you go to check yourself? What image or object is there for you to say "hey I am no longer going to say I am not good enough today. Today I am doing 1, 2, and 3 and that ain't bad. And I am doing it awesomely!"
I really enjoyed myself at Glide today because I realize I was able to check myself, the world around me, and receive and give a little love. I hydrated today and boy did it feel good.
Oh and I went to Ikea- and ikea is always good. Hint: frozen yogurt is amazing in the cafe. I would have to say that is my disney land.
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