Motherhood and Protection

Motherhood

This past week and weekend I realized something- I want to be a mother. And when I say mother- sure biological clock ticking. Tick tick tick. Umm let's maybe give that sometime. But I am talking about Mother in a greater way. I was babysitting, and I realized it is so important I think for anyone to be able to be a mother to something, to nurture and to support a growth process.

I have been thinking this especially in my gardening I am starting to get into. I had some tomatoes growing and although they were smaller then an eyeball, I grew them, and it was so neat to have ownership in that one bite tomato salad I was able to produce from my labor.

I think it is good to grow something, even if it is a spiritual sense. I have been wanting to be a mother lately in this sense of to nurture and grow something, whether it is a program at my work, work on my spirit, or have tiny tomatoes, it feels satisfying to know that I did that. Just like a little kindergartener looking at her work in the hall way, feeling accomplished. I did that. I did that. I did that.

Protection

I have been feeling a little stunted, speaking of growing. Those who love me want to protect me, from words others say about my hairloss. But in the long run, I am one who has to cope with awkward, maybe offensive statements. I realize that I am at this point that others love me so much, they see me as that child you need to protect and not let fall. I realize that yes for some odd reason, these bald cards is the hand I have been dealt. So let me play my cards, let me have moves (words) against me come, because in some weird way, I want to build the protection, awareness, and my need for safety in times of danger to be activated. I need to know when too much is too much from words of offense. And I need to stand up for myself, and not let others do that for me. My friends and family love me, and never want to see me hurt, but I need to fall in order to learn how to get back up and keep moving. My bareness will be a protection, and knowledge is power. And I will seek safety from those who love me when it is the right time.