Yesterday was a big day for me. I facilitated a group on grief and loss at work. And I admit I was nervous, that the words may not come to help lead, that no one or too many would show up and I would not know how to handle it. But in all honesty it was great. I feel it wasn't anything jumping for joy monumentum moment but it really allowed me to see what I can do to create great things for a community. As I was thumbing through a book on grief, the back had resources and showed that you could get a certificate in grief counseling. And I was like ahh ha what a great experience, but I want more tools. And I realized with everything in life, you have to start somewhere and you don't know what wildfires of social change one can create, by just saying I tried.
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In the early morning I had an interesting experience. Yet another comment about Alopecia. As I was getting ready for service. I had a man sit next to me and he stated "what the hell happened to you?" obviously, commenting on my hairloss. But I've gotten worse, so did my speal. He said "wow I am inappropriate" and I said "yes, but have gotten worse." He said I was beautiful and then it got weird. He leaned over and said "it makes me kind of horny". My jaw dropped and at that moment I knew this man wasn't all there. I stopped in my tracks and turned back to my reading, feeling violated and curious of what to say. I should of said- that is inappropriate and said no. But instead I turned away. I wish I had, but also- I did what I needed to do to feel safe. It is a violation of women to say sexually explicit words to a stranger and I no longer want to just turn away. It is a violation to make a woman to be a sexual object, something to be looked at and ignored of her voice, identity, and power she owns. It was a violation and it was an add to rape culture that exists in this world.
But I am a person that likes to find the hope in a story and here is what I think. I thank that man that he was blunt and it was a visual, literal example of all the work that still needs to be done. Sometimes I think what is my work? why do I want to do social work? And is it just silly to be voicing and dedicating time to things that may not get that high salary, or stability of a 401k? But I realized that my heart is in people. And seeing that man made visual evidence that these problems still exist and I don't want to ever give up on myself, my dreams, my work because of safety nets.
There is famous quotes that say "I will not rest until...." I felt that today. That I believe in social Justice and I had a reminder and a security found is in the Spirit for me. It encourages me and it gives me confidence to protect me from words of violence, cycles of violence, and words I can not control.
I realized you really can not control the things others say, but you can use that as evidence and power to push an end to that violence caused. I wish i had told that man he was being inappropriate but what is done is done and I hope to use that as power to move on, push ahead, and help with causes of social justice.
we shall overcome.
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