Recent Be-comings

I have recently started new work.

And I have learned about celebration. Celebrating life, but lately I have learned how celebration has become a form of masking for me. I, as anyone who knows me knows the happy go lucky kid in me. But I have recently realized how I mask my pain, my experience, my story-by the chance to throw a smile on others faces and to say there there-it's alright.

Cheer is a good thing, it is an asset that needs to be cherished and elaborated in this world. But also, I want to know how to bring cheer in the utmost authentic form. What does it mean to be a cheerleader for life? What does it mean to have Alopecia and celebrate. I keep celebrating for libration of hair, of beauty, and justice in this world. But it is important to articulate my story, my pain. I think it's important to share the hardship of what I felt, and what I am feeling.

Think of it like going to a party through a random friend, you're there and see banners with "happy birthday", but you don't know who the party is for- and you really wish you knew or was clued in.

I think in all of my celebration- I want to work on articulating my story, my journey (the trials and tribulations), because then people understand, people get a commonality between us all, of human emotion. And then we can put a name to a face at that party.

I simply then am not floating above others but dancing with the people.

Work- back to work. It is amazing to see the wake up calls I get in a day of how I live my life and where I want to go.

My work has the theme that we are all in Recovery. And I didn't quite grasp until I sat in on a circle of people I felt were so far away from me, and what my life experience was. There I was looking at myself in the mirror. And it was terrifyingly beautiful to open it up- to lay it out, and put the truth into action, and to celebrate about honesty.

To say I suffer sometimes, but it is through that suffering, speaking, and creating that I find justice in my mind and heart.

And I look around and I want to dance with life. But I have to remember that the a punchline is no good without the joke, and visa versa. Wholeness, recovery, and story is where I am at.

Change and a call for vocation.

"Everyone has a vocation- a calling"

this has been on my mind this week. Since starting a new job I realized that I should never settle for something that does not have a drive of passion in me. I realize that I am meant to do a certain type of work, and live uniquely for me. For a while I was questioning this whole road and choices I have been taking with school, jobs, relationships, and I realize the such great purpose that is in me- that I need to listen to and follow. For example with Alopecia- it has been a hardship and it continues to challenge me, but in the long run it has given me direction, a questioning for something greater, it gave me my life back and an identity of social justice to always keep striving for, even if the storms may come my way. It is time to walk the talk. And I am so there.

Beginning and workings on a research paper.

I was curious about the cute boys behind me as I was learning about parallel parking in my driver’s education class. I shuffled my hands through my young locks, because that is apparently what a female must do to attract her mate. As trying to lure them in I noticed a bald spot on the back of my neck. I figured it a fluke and like a snakeskin, it was bound to return with even more lovely locks. Within a month all my hair was gone. Every morning strand after strand laid on my pillow, in the shower drain, and fell to a quite death on my bedroom floor, trickling through my hands like water going down to sea, but the only thing is that you don’t know how it is going to get there. Maybe that’s what it is about- my life is just about the adventure of finding it’s way out to sea.

Why sit in it.