Things I love but I take fore granted

1) Cinnamon
2) Coupons
3) Coin wrappers
4) singing
5) budgeting
6) doing something new everyday
7) Saying "YOU CAN DO IT!" in multiple accents
8) Vince Vaughn- enough said. ;)
9) my ability to make cool things out of crafts for people
10) Knowing when enough is enough.
11) When friends fold paper bags for me.

As I was talking to myself about my burdens.

Carry You
Amy Grant

Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child, my child
Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child, my child

If I can walk on water
And calm a restless sea
I've done a thousand things you've never done

And I'm weary watchin'
While you struggle on your own
Call my name, I'll come

Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child, my child
Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child, my child

I give vision to the blind
And I can raise the dead
I've seen the darker side of Hell
And I returned
And I see those sleepless nights
And I count every tear you cry
I know some lessons hurt to learn

Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child, my child
Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry carry, my child, my child


I will carry you, my child, my child
I will carry you

Time. Feeling Time.

"You Are"

On the dark windy road, I left the Mendocino county line. Eyes drained of energy and singing to my tunes of hope. I sang to Wicked's "defying gravity" Have I seen Wicked? No. But the song- heard- love it. And in my state of emotional exhaustion yet relief to be leaving the darkness behind- I sang at the top of my lungs- hoping that some relief- some spiritual core in me would stir and my eyes would be clear. My eyes- didn't clear- after about the third round of Defying gravity and the lyrics "and you won't bring me down"- I realized: What I am wanting is the humaness of another to say: Heather "you are".

In biblical text: "I am" is prevolent. I won't kid you I have no I idea where in bible this is, but through out my life I had heard "i am" in the connection of recognizing God. The spirit. And I realized in my eye redened state and over dose of emotions. That "I am" is about recognition. And in everyone's life- they each deserve the right to say "I am". And for community to work- family to work- there needs to be a balance of "I am" with "you are". I hope to recognized this balance in each of my relationships whether family, friend, work, romantic, etc.

Defying gravity of recognition- defying recognition of difference and the ability and confidence to say: "You are".

When getting home from my stuff I had to do... I settled in with a cup of tea to find a quote on the end with "you are" in it. Funny how life works that way. Thanks Twinlings, or whatever tea company for being intune- and hitting it right on the nail.

You are.
Recognition.

Like Tumbleweeds they keep going

In recent news, Glide Church was featured in an article and there was much debate of intentionality of the Glide way. And being present there just over the past few months I see how far Glide has help me push through barriers that I held for myself to hide behind. Glide pushed me to build the confidence that I was just too scared to show and that I already possessed. It is a space for questions, when we need it the most: in times when we think that we are alright- there is a strive to keep diving inward. Glide brings out the "you are" that one always had but was not in an accepting or comfortable environment to all for expression. For examply, everytime I stunt myself at Glide- because I am too scared to get to "work" (emotional or physical) it gets pushed back on me with the "try again" button. And it is my confidence that is built and hope that I can strive for something better- this is what Glide gives me and many I feel. I was disappointed that the article refered to Cecil Williams as a "poverty pimp". I feel that this is a misjudge of character- and I am sure that the congregation was more upset by this misinterpretation of CW than himself.

But I think there is an important silver lining in this story. There is still work to be done. And that article and the comments that followed are the work that needs to be done towards social justice. A few posts ago- I wrote about an experience on a sunday when a man suggested he was horny over my bald head. I wrote about the violation that took place, and I realized that that was an example of the work yet to be done. And without that blatent example of sexual violation and inappropriate behavior where would we b- complaining about invisible issues- and that would be no good. So if their is going to be violations and injustices against women, lessening poverty, whatever the example is... Let's get it on the table- out in the day light. Bring everyone to the welcome table as Glide speaks of. What I admire the most about Glide is their Speakout programs on Wednesday nights... It is a chance to tell the truth. And in all honesty- a lot of the time the truth- is people saying Cecil and Janice- I don't like this- and here is my honesty. And they are heard. So if all of the comments from sfgate.com would like to come to Glide on a wednesday night- they would be appreciated and loved. Because the truth will set you free.

Yes, I am a Glidian Advocate. And I support the work of no hiding, I support the process of recovery in people and especially in my self. We all have a story to tell and it can be honored and heard all at one community table. And we can change.

Things to write about:
"You are"
and
Not being affraid of what has become.

Older email to friends- but present of the work needing to be done, and the memory of a boy.

Dear wonderful friends and family,

It's unusual for me to pass along a mass email, unless it is a
frantically hyper update from my life, but this I found too close to
home to not discuss. Below is an email I received from the Alopecia
Areata support group network about a recent shooting of a teenager
with Alopecia Areata. Speculation has it that there was teasing about
his hairloss and he was standing up for himself before he was killed.

How do I even begin to describe what I feel about this young man's lost life?

A) I first resort to fear and deep sadness that this was a boy
verbally and finally attacked for a disease that is uncontrollable.
The disease I have. Does this mean I need to hide from the world, no.
But a chill went down my back when I, for the first time, in almost 8
years with Alopecia Areata, have heard the words "Alopecia Areata" and
"death" in the same sentence.

I spoke in my social psychology class of Death and Dying about the
connection of Alopecia Areata and loss, in the terms of the process of
grief, which I feel that I have experienced strongly, but now to
encounter a mirror in which my own mortality may be threatened because
of my difference, ohhh HELLLLLL NOOOO.... as in the great words by my
campers and catch phrases often used by my HFH family in NY this is
certainly a "beastin" situation and 100% "mad whack".

B) I felt dissappointed, because there is a larger point needing to be
addressed. This has been happening throughout time with ethnic
communities, religions, sexual identities, dissabilities, and classes.
The list continues, we as people are faced with struggle and the
noting of difference in some way. There has been violence against our
differences for too long. For example in recent events to list only a
few: the struggle to ban same sex marriages, racial stereotyping in
media, and hate groups that exist today. I am scared that I have been
blinded until it hit home for me. Are we only awakened to hate crimes
and violence, when it jeopordizes ourselves? I don't want to be like
that, I want to be an advocate for change, and most importantly hope
that there is something better out there for me than a stake in the
physicality of hair to prove my worth as a woman.

Lets broaden the spectrum and change the "me" mantra into a "we"
progression towards compassion and equality for our nation, and for
the planet filled with roaming differences.

C) I am frustrated and feel deflated by this, I am keeping face about
it because somewhere in the core of my belly I know I need to keep
walking: to keep wishing for a better day in which, not just the
Alopecia Areata community can identify there difference and go on
confidently living because of their uniqueness, but other groups as
well struggling with issues of personal/ public idenitity.