Friday, May 14, 2010

Frustration tonight-Shit or get off the pot. I'm a changin- times a changin- to get with it or get out.

The sooner they realize i am not the same person, the better for their health. I wish they would realize that. I can't stand when people pinpoint me as something- the true me has been in me- I AM- and it's been waiting to be free. People get scared when they see a confident woman- because it changes it up- it goes against a norm that needs to be destroyed. Patterns and roles in relationships were really on the table tonight- and because I shook it up- people can't handle it- No longer will I be the quiet one- calming the storm. No longer will I say- I am not good enough.

I am. I have worked really really hard to get today- and I think- I THINK I deserve at least 1/2 an acre to feel my pain with hairloss, to express my pain- and to say this sucks- but I am trying.

I'm not asking for "you got it girl" or "you are perfect" or "you are on top of it"

But how about "I see where your walking, it must be really difficult- but I still see you walking. Could I advise this this or this- it may be helpful- let me give you space to talk about it- and I will listen."

If only some people could see the little steps and moments that arise- that help build me for future dreams.

Life plans- what's your next step? This and that-bla.

I know I don't have everything figured out- But am trying to the best of my abilities right now.

Feeling frustrated and defeated- But I will not let that take my power. Sorry- try again next time.

It's like that beatles song, Black Bird....

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

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