Sarah Kay: If I should have a daughter ... | Video on TED.com
Exactly.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Easter Reflections: Rebirth you bet I believe in rebirth.
Growing up in the Presbyterian church, I was very familiar with Christian holidays. Easter has the narrative about rebirth, renewal, and new life. I love Easter. I loved Christmas, but Easter was magical for me. Christmas was special, but Easter, it was different. Easter was so much more because the Easter bunny hid all of these magical candies around our orchard and it was my job to find them. It was so active and imaginative. And the process of waking up in my 90's nightgown and squealing at the sight of bright pink eggs in the yard, made my heart sing. Long story short I love Easter for it's nostalgic memories it always highlights in me.
Easter now means so much more to me. When I hear the hot terms of renewal and new life, my heart soars. Yes, I have ties to Christian Ideology and remembering youth. But when I hear rebirth, I am reminded of when I chose life and regrowth of self, over depression and lack of self confidence. Easter reminds me of when I chose to live. As my ten years passed with Alopecia and a second semester with grad school finishes, my theme for year 10 definitely seems to be "gaining".
For 10 years I have mourned over my hair, I have tossed and turned over what would be differently if I just had my hair. It was loss, it was trauma, and I was grieving. But as this 10 year passed, I realized I didn't need to cry for my loss. I realized I wanted to acknowledge the gains I had in my life. I wanted to push my self to new heights to realize that this doesn't have to be about overcoming grief the rest of my life but about celebrating in the grace of gaining.
I realized that I could remember my struggle, but it could also be about celebrating life. Celebrating a new story and all of the gains I have had in my life (from friendships to travel to accomplishments). My friend, Cynthia, dear sister and wine tasting partner suggested to me, that this year, maybe I start thinking about my anniversary more about the things that have come in my life for the better since I lost my hair. I then had a professor pull me aside and tell me, "I see your going through the theme of loss in your work [an art book about human sexuality and what that means to me], I see where you may be or was, but maybe it's time to think about the ways you can find gains in your life, because you deserve that." With my friend, professor, and my housemate encouraging us to go skiing over my anniversary weekend (which was definitely a new experience for me), It has been a transformation in my thinking that my hair-"loss" is just an add on to a word, that may come and go, but doesn't have to keep me suffering in grief.
On my tenth anniversary weekend, I sat up at the ski lodge with a bruise on my butt and a beer in hand after my lesson feeling frustrated that I could not get skiing right away, but realizing the accomplishment for pushing myself (and having my friend Stephanie encourage me) to try something new, when deep down I was a little too scared to try a new gaining experience. I expanded my possibilities that things are so much grander than grief. Maybe it was the wind chill from the mountain or a buzz from the beer or a transforming moment, but I left feeling "yes I tried it and that's a big step"- I gained.
So when we talk about Easter. Yeah, I am joyful and thankful for the reminder that I chose to gain life. Renewal- new life- let's talk because I am ready to gain a great new experience. That is what Easter means to me.
Easter now means so much more to me. When I hear the hot terms of renewal and new life, my heart soars. Yes, I have ties to Christian Ideology and remembering youth. But when I hear rebirth, I am reminded of when I chose life and regrowth of self, over depression and lack of self confidence. Easter reminds me of when I chose to live. As my ten years passed with Alopecia and a second semester with grad school finishes, my theme for year 10 definitely seems to be "gaining".
For 10 years I have mourned over my hair, I have tossed and turned over what would be differently if I just had my hair. It was loss, it was trauma, and I was grieving. But as this 10 year passed, I realized I didn't need to cry for my loss. I realized I wanted to acknowledge the gains I had in my life. I wanted to push my self to new heights to realize that this doesn't have to be about overcoming grief the rest of my life but about celebrating in the grace of gaining.
I realized that I could remember my struggle, but it could also be about celebrating life. Celebrating a new story and all of the gains I have had in my life (from friendships to travel to accomplishments). My friend, Cynthia, dear sister and wine tasting partner suggested to me, that this year, maybe I start thinking about my anniversary more about the things that have come in my life for the better since I lost my hair. I then had a professor pull me aside and tell me, "I see your going through the theme of loss in your work [an art book about human sexuality and what that means to me], I see where you may be or was, but maybe it's time to think about the ways you can find gains in your life, because you deserve that." With my friend, professor, and my housemate encouraging us to go skiing over my anniversary weekend (which was definitely a new experience for me), It has been a transformation in my thinking that my hair-"loss" is just an add on to a word, that may come and go, but doesn't have to keep me suffering in grief.
On my tenth anniversary weekend, I sat up at the ski lodge with a bruise on my butt and a beer in hand after my lesson feeling frustrated that I could not get skiing right away, but realizing the accomplishment for pushing myself (and having my friend Stephanie encourage me) to try something new, when deep down I was a little too scared to try a new gaining experience. I expanded my possibilities that things are so much grander than grief. Maybe it was the wind chill from the mountain or a buzz from the beer or a transforming moment, but I left feeling "yes I tried it and that's a big step"- I gained.
So when we talk about Easter. Yeah, I am joyful and thankful for the reminder that I chose to gain life. Renewal- new life- let's talk because I am ready to gain a great new experience. That is what Easter means to me.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Self Disclosure
Self disclosure and Alopecia and being a therapist. To tell the story or not to. Our class the other evening was about self disclosure as a therapist and it got me to thinking about how I self disclose and how much. I easily self disclose, and I realize that I want to be an advocate for change by using personal narrative but is it "change for community"? Or is it a need to voice who I am- to prove my "existence" and presence? As a future therapist I want to make sure I find appropriate self care as well as outlets to share my story. Tying in my story/ self disclosing with clients only when see fit that would benefit the clients work/ treatment. I have to remember that, I could see how easy it would be to have the client's story personally relate with yours- and want to shout excitedly back "oh me too! me too. I know how you feel!" But understanding and allowing the person to be in the room with what they are going through can be a beautiful process, sight, and testimony to mental/ emotional healing.
I have been thinking about thesis work as well. I have the words: Alopecia and art therapy bouncing in my head. I was discussing with my counselor about my concern for writing a thesis around Alopecia, would be A) Personal bias and B) Is it a need to do this to figure out something on my journey of healing? Or is this something of research towards change to affect positively on my community? And I guess the fact I am aware of personal bias in this is a good thing. But I want to remember if I write and research on Alopecia, find the personal meaning to it, cherish it- but don't let my personal journey of hair loss stop the possibility to help awareness, to change the system- that needs to be changed especially when it comes to medical care costs and Alopecia Areata.
Thirdly, I watched The King's Speech last night. AMAZING! I see why it won awards. It was so much more than a man with a speech impediment it was about something everyone must find: their voice. I loved it- I recommend it.
I have been thinking about thesis work as well. I have the words: Alopecia and art therapy bouncing in my head. I was discussing with my counselor about my concern for writing a thesis around Alopecia, would be A) Personal bias and B) Is it a need to do this to figure out something on my journey of healing? Or is this something of research towards change to affect positively on my community? And I guess the fact I am aware of personal bias in this is a good thing. But I want to remember if I write and research on Alopecia, find the personal meaning to it, cherish it- but don't let my personal journey of hair loss stop the possibility to help awareness, to change the system- that needs to be changed especially when it comes to medical care costs and Alopecia Areata.
Thirdly, I watched The King's Speech last night. AMAZING! I see why it won awards. It was so much more than a man with a speech impediment it was about something everyone must find: their voice. I loved it- I recommend it.
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