Oh, we're actually very different, ergo one of a kind. But together we form some kind of strange mass of "wtf" which IS one of a kind. Dark

Horoscope

"You could feel safe enough today to express feelings that you have been keeping to yourself, subsequently making you vulnerable to the feedback you receive. Unfortunately, a close friend or family member may be overly judgmental, sending you into an emotional tailspin. But don't waste time indulging negativity because something good will come from your openhearted disclosure. Be patient; it might take a few days for the positive results to manifest."

Ohh please let this manifest soon....

Feel much better now.

Being in community. There is something about that- that is special, sincere, and awesome.

Thanks for grounding me.

Frustration tonight-Shit or get off the pot. I'm a changin- times a changin- to get with it or get out.

The sooner they realize i am not the same person, the better for their health. I wish they would realize that. I can't stand when people pinpoint me as something- the true me has been in me- I AM- and it's been waiting to be free. People get scared when they see a confident woman- because it changes it up- it goes against a norm that needs to be destroyed. Patterns and roles in relationships were really on the table tonight- and because I shook it up- people can't handle it- No longer will I be the quiet one- calming the storm. No longer will I say- I am not good enough.

I am. I have worked really really hard to get today- and I think- I THINK I deserve at least 1/2 an acre to feel my pain with hairloss, to express my pain- and to say this sucks- but I am trying.

I'm not asking for "you got it girl" or "you are perfect" or "you are on top of it"

But how about "I see where your walking, it must be really difficult- but I still see you walking. Could I advise this this or this- it may be helpful- let me give you space to talk about it- and I will listen."

If only some people could see the little steps and moments that arise- that help build me for future dreams.

Life plans- what's your next step? This and that-bla.

I know I don't have everything figured out- But am trying to the best of my abilities right now.

Feeling frustrated and defeated- But I will not let that take my power. Sorry- try again next time.

It's like that beatles song, Black Bird....

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

The post right before...

Mother's Day- wow- good to hear the proclamation versus hallmark. Thanks to Karen Oliveto's sermon at Glide memorial chuch- it was real- it was place-setting for me to have a deeper understanding of celebration of the mother-wow.

Mother's Day Proclamation by Julia Ward Howe - Mother's Day History

http://womenshistory.about.com/od/howejwriting/a/mothers_day.htm

by Julia Ward Howe
Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
"We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the bosom of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: "Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe out dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil
At the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace...
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God -
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality,
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.

And life goes on.

It felt good
to close the book
to say end.

To say se la vie
And look straight ahead.