Grad School- Thesis-IRB Application- Practicum Search- Work- Student Groups- Volunteer- Somehow manage a social life- and date. Those are a lot of balls in the air. This morning experiencing a chaotic catch up- I realized I am all over the place. My support I was talking to expressed- is it really chaotic? Or is it all the balls are in the air and you keep needing to tend to all of them so they don't fall down. What would happen if you placed the balls down and tended to them one by one- designated a time for each.
I work in metaphor. Balls in the air feels fitting of this chapter- this semester- this time I am trying to manage. Instead of managing- how about "Just be". Instead of trying to tend to all things at once- one thing, one day at a time. I was feeling overwhelmed about the amount of things in my life- but now I want to fully embrace. It's this projects turn to have my attention. Then in a few hours or tomorrow, the next.
Today is about patting myself on the back and telling myself- "you got this girl" and tending to one thing at a time.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Disentangle
Feb 7th 2012
The end of January brought my 11th anniversary with Alopecia Areata. This year was about transformation. Each year I can feel it shifting and changing the meaning and myself in new ways. For years, January 26th was about loss and grief and these past two years were: after-the-storm-and-the-sun-comes-out-everything- is-clean and it’s time to get outside doing things. Living.
Last year was about changing the thought process of loss to what are my gains. This year I learned my word… like in Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert… “What is your word?” This year it is: Disentangle.
After careful repetitive themes and reminders in my life I am realizing that meaningfulness is important but everything doesn’t have to be connected. I think about the growing pains of my life and for a long time I considered them going hand in hand. This year it dawned on me: compartmentalization is good.
My hair loss is not tangled with other pains that I have experienced in my life. Alopecia does not have to be the measurement of my relationships and my capacity to love. My lack of hair is not measure to the amount of love and compassion that I hold for others and myself.
In therapy I have been going over the theme of what is my representation (outside vs. inside), can I find equilibrium and insure healthy boundaries. I also learned that it’s okay to state how you would like to be seen- in that moment. I want to be seen as human, someone who is kickass inspirational but someone that doesn’t have to be the revolutionary inspiration all the time. I make mistakes and I hurt- but I come back and keep walking even though it’s hard sometimes.
So this year it is about disentangling.
Everything doesn’t have to be connected completely- all the time. My insecurities in one area of my life, does not need to determine my fate in another area. It is time to do a little sorting, cutting the insecure tangled connections, compartmentalize, and hold meaning because life is precious. Each piece in it’s own way and own place is beautiful even in the madness and stress. But like an exotic moth being saved in it’s own compartment box. It is intricate on it’s own which then makes up an entire species. We each have a place and calling- our own intricate details that are precious- so it’s time to sort and celebrate a new year. A new year of disentanglement: to find clarity and joy.
Returning home from a trip to DC. 2012 oh the things you have in store. Travel- so important- gets out of your routine… even if it’s walking a different way. Switch it up- it’s good for you.
The end of January brought my 11th anniversary with Alopecia Areata. This year was about transformation. Each year I can feel it shifting and changing the meaning and myself in new ways. For years, January 26th was about loss and grief and these past two years were: after-the-storm-and-the-sun-comes-out-everything- is-clean and it’s time to get outside doing things. Living.
Last year was about changing the thought process of loss to what are my gains. This year I learned my word… like in Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert… “What is your word?” This year it is: Disentangle.
After careful repetitive themes and reminders in my life I am realizing that meaningfulness is important but everything doesn’t have to be connected. I think about the growing pains of my life and for a long time I considered them going hand in hand. This year it dawned on me: compartmentalization is good.
My hair loss is not tangled with other pains that I have experienced in my life. Alopecia does not have to be the measurement of my relationships and my capacity to love. My lack of hair is not measure to the amount of love and compassion that I hold for others and myself.
In therapy I have been going over the theme of what is my representation (outside vs. inside), can I find equilibrium and insure healthy boundaries. I also learned that it’s okay to state how you would like to be seen- in that moment. I want to be seen as human, someone who is kickass inspirational but someone that doesn’t have to be the revolutionary inspiration all the time. I make mistakes and I hurt- but I come back and keep walking even though it’s hard sometimes.
So this year it is about disentangling.
Everything doesn’t have to be connected completely- all the time. My insecurities in one area of my life, does not need to determine my fate in another area. It is time to do a little sorting, cutting the insecure tangled connections, compartmentalize, and hold meaning because life is precious. Each piece in it’s own way and own place is beautiful even in the madness and stress. But like an exotic moth being saved in it’s own compartment box. It is intricate on it’s own which then makes up an entire species. We each have a place and calling- our own intricate details that are precious- so it’s time to sort and celebrate a new year. A new year of disentanglement: to find clarity and joy.
Returning home from a trip to DC. 2012 oh the things you have in store. Travel- so important- gets out of your routine… even if it’s walking a different way. Switch it up- it’s good for you.
Friday, December 9, 2011
In a Christmas Tradition I want a little more umph of love, living, and community
A few years back I was honored to be a teacher to some amazing kids. I was digging through some old papers and I found some notes on Kwanzaa. Let me just tell you Kwanzaa kicks ass and that is the kind of rejuvenation I need in my life, culture, and soul.
Kwanzaa:
Dec. 26-Jan 1
There are seven principles:
1) Umoja- Unity
2) Kujichagulia- Self determination
3) Ujima- Collective work and responsibility
4) Ujamaa- cooperative economics
5) Nia- purpose
6) Kuumbe- creativity
7) Imani- Faith
These principles is really jiving with where I am at in life. And needing a little something something. Christmas get ready because the meaning boys are back in town.
Kwanzaa:
Dec. 26-Jan 1
There are seven principles:
1) Umoja- Unity
2) Kujichagulia- Self determination
3) Ujima- Collective work and responsibility
4) Ujamaa- cooperative economics
5) Nia- purpose
6) Kuumbe- creativity
7) Imani- Faith
These principles is really jiving with where I am at in life. And needing a little something something. Christmas get ready because the meaning boys are back in town.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Give it up
Everybody wants you
Everybody wants your love
I'd just like to make you mine all mine
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,
Baby give it up
Give it up, Baby give it up
-KC and the Sunshine Band
"Give it up"
Everybody wants your love
I'd just like to make you mine all mine
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,
Baby give it up
Give it up, Baby give it up
-KC and the Sunshine Band
"Give it up"
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Inviting others into the journey and understanding the other person....
I keep things close and "I'm fine" is constantly flying out of my mouth. What's so scary about letting others in and to speak about my experience in life. It is time to find healthy boundaries but not to be afraid to stand up and speak.
I keep things close and "I'm fine" is constantly flying out of my mouth. What's so scary about letting others in and to speak about my experience in life. It is time to find healthy boundaries but not to be afraid to stand up and speak.
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