This past week I attended the Art Therapy Association Conference in Washington D.C. During the conference I was able to expand my understanding of materials in therapeutic practice. Not only did I learn about book arts, but also I took a class on fabric collage when working with trauma survivors. My mind was expanded in the populations I want to work with in the future. I started off learning about dual relationships in small communities. I often have my mind buzzing from dreams and goals such as eventually living up in the country working with rural communities. I learned so much about the complexities of dual relationships in small communities, the importance of confidentiality, and thinking about self disclosure through the internet. This really started making me consider the ways in which I have self disclosed through facebook, or even this blog. The question came to mind, as a writer/ artist disclosing (to a certain degree) is part of my process, but as a future therapist how could that hinder my relationship to the profession, my clients, and privacy/ boundaries of self.
I was incredibly moved by the momentum behind working with military soliders returning from oversees, particularly demonstrating PTSD. There was a panel on the projects behind this movement. And a client shared his story processing his battle with PTSD. And next thing I know he said... My disability will no longer be my liability. My jaw dropped because going on a year and half ago I spoke those words through my sermon at Glide Memorial Church when interning there. I realized about blessings and hidden interconnectedness that truly exists. There is healing happening in this world and it's going to get so much better. My vocation is calling. And here I am- ready!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Killer Bees
This week was decompression. Simply said.
I went to the National Alopecia Areata Conference. It was all over the board for me. It was life changing and awakening for so many reasons. So where do I begin?
I was inspired...
- By the kids with Alopecia- they shine and really led the others.
- By the parents experience to find a space to cry/ mourn/ rage/ show their self- blame they may feel over their child's hair loss (which they shouldn't)- a space to be where they need to be.
- By the friendships made and the adults to walk together in this experience (and dance parties in hotel rooms- how can you beat that?)
Things that didn't get my cookies to crumble:
- I wasn't too enthralled by the motivational speakers. (Maybe just an off year?)
- I support the medical research of this disease- absolutely, but at what cost are we going to risk our lives to treat a non-life threatening disease?
-Acid treatment equivalent to poison oak?! Really?
-ER visits from allergic reactions to treatments. I am worried.
Things I liked:
The support groups were really interesting. And the young adults support group was kick butt, really interesting to hear my same age group and see the Alopecia support group in another context.
Things I wasn't aware of:
There was a common theme of children and their families having to go against school boards to allow hats in schools. I heard many stories about how families had to eventually go to the state's department of education to have their child allowed into their school with a hat. The concern assumed with a child wearing a hat in the school is in affiliation with "gang culture".
I have to question the systems protocols as a comparison to the enduring discrimination against children of difference in our schools. Violence is in the schools. Healing and a cease to bullying need to happen. But I question how does that happen when there is still the label amongst the system stating "this child of difference is not allowed".
I think that this overlaps with other children of difference. I think this is where we all can connect, Alopecia or not. Children of difference deserve the access to education. People deserve love from others, the system, and self. How appropriate to learn about this over pride weekend. As I was boogying my ass off with 900 other bald people to celebrate our difference, my home – the bay area was dancing for all of us as well.
What I found comical:
Killer bees. As I was listening to the medical update about Alopecia Areata- they threw out the term “killer bees”. Honestly, after a late night drive from the bay, an early morning talk on the development of children, and no coffee- I was snoozing. But as soon as one doctor threw out the term “killer bees”, my pupils opened, and there was a giggle in my belly.
“Killer bees” is being used as a term to describe the process of my body attacking my hair follicle- because it has a swarm effect. So I have killer bees in me. Comical, interesting, and I kind of want to be sarcastic about it and say “Really?! WTF? That’s what you got doctors? Killer Bees? Really?
Makes sense, like in Winnie the Pooh- when the bees were attacking, they ran to the mud- us Alopecians run to the poison oak. (Excuse my sarcasm).
Moving on…
What motivated me:
One doctor I really got a lot out of went over all the treatments- although it seemed daunting to sit through, it was extremely informative. My favorite part of his talk was the comparison or Alopecia Areata to the movie Click. He warned the audience to skip the movie, not worth it. But the basic concept of the movie Click was that the main actor fast forwards through all of the bad parts of his life. Leaving him with the feeling that he had not really lived. The doctor made the connection that “we can not fast forward through Alopecia Areata” it might be worth while to explore to deeper meanings of who we truly are in this experience. I got it. There is no fast forwarding through Alopecia Areata.
This made me think a lot about my career. And going to the conference really pointed out to me the lack of psychological services and therapeutic support given to this community. The monetary support is in the medical (makes sense and I am not complaining), but I have to question as mentioned before, how far are we going to go to be pricked and prodded to treat a non-threatening disease when Alopecians are highly aware about day to day interactions. And when is the time we are going to stop pushing the fast forward button on medical treatment and dig a little deeper into the experience of the alopecian on a day-to-day basis?
I loved the conference- but its only once a year. I love my support group meetings- but they are only every other month. Not that I want to walk with “woe with me I have alopecia” everyday- it’s been ten years and there is a point to which we must eventually let go of the grief of hair loss, but we as a community have the ability to share something deeper, to connect our shared humanity with the world. We have the capability to stand for difference and a strong power/ investment into social justice that isn’t being recognized. It’s time to tap into a broader understanding of transformation.
Learning to be the newbie: VIP
This was my first conference. I was VIP (literally had to have that on my name tag) because I was a newbie. It was a bit strange to be the newbie, but to be so old (not age- but 10 years- notches under my belt with Alopecia). A woman at the conference one night asked how I was doing since I was a newbie. I could see the rush of sympathy through her bones. I appreciated her caring, but I felt very fragile. I joked it off with- "Oh I have had it for ten years, I just haven't been to a conference" but there was something in that interaction that made me feel a duality. I was a VIP, but I also felt "fragile" and I didn't like that. But I realize it was good for me to experience. I often hold my head high- because I am the vet of Alopecia- I am bare and I show the world that it's possible. I am the strong one. But to have the VIP newbie tag- really humbled me. It really allowed myself to say: "why do you have to be strong all the time Heather? And why can't you accept someone asking "how are you?" So I was VIP and now on further reflection, damn it felt good.
So specialness, last but not least. The more I think about it, I had a hard time being just another bald head in the sea of Alopecians at the conference. I often pride myself on the choice I have made to not wear a wig or hat. I am confident to confront conversation, answer questions, and radiate Alopecia. But I realized how far I need to go with true acceptance of me myself and I. Me as radiant and not my bald head (my bald head is sexy- don't get me wrong but that's not the full package). This is where India Arie's "I am not my hair" interplays.
All of the sudden I found my self going from being bare as my specialness, it's what gets me into conversation with people, sometimes accesses me to resources I feel I would not have, etc. But once I walked into that hotel for the conference. I was scared- I had a momentary panic of "my specialness is gone. I am like everybody else". This scared me to realize I ride so much confidence of myself on Alopecia. And after I left the conference I have to admit, I had a little fear in me. What if my hair grew back? How would I be special? Once I get on one of these existential life lessons, I am not one to easily drop it. I realize that this is something I really want to hone in on. I want to believe that my specialness lies within my self (persona, laugh, charisma, etc), and not so readily rely on my defining of Alopecia to define who I am. As the weekend went on, I realized the connections I made really were powerful and based off of something so much greater than my insecurities. I realize the importance for that conference and I hope to continue to go because it pointed out that my specialness lies so much deeper than to have hair or not. But me. We all have the specialness in us and it's important to be spot checked on it from time to time.
I went to the National Alopecia Areata Conference. It was all over the board for me. It was life changing and awakening for so many reasons. So where do I begin?
I was inspired...
- By the kids with Alopecia- they shine and really led the others.
- By the parents experience to find a space to cry/ mourn/ rage/ show their self- blame they may feel over their child's hair loss (which they shouldn't)- a space to be where they need to be.
- By the friendships made and the adults to walk together in this experience (and dance parties in hotel rooms- how can you beat that?)
Things that didn't get my cookies to crumble:
- I wasn't too enthralled by the motivational speakers. (Maybe just an off year?)
- I support the medical research of this disease- absolutely, but at what cost are we going to risk our lives to treat a non-life threatening disease?
-Acid treatment equivalent to poison oak?! Really?
-ER visits from allergic reactions to treatments. I am worried.
Things I liked:
The support groups were really interesting. And the young adults support group was kick butt, really interesting to hear my same age group and see the Alopecia support group in another context.
Things I wasn't aware of:
There was a common theme of children and their families having to go against school boards to allow hats in schools. I heard many stories about how families had to eventually go to the state's department of education to have their child allowed into their school with a hat. The concern assumed with a child wearing a hat in the school is in affiliation with "gang culture".
I have to question the systems protocols as a comparison to the enduring discrimination against children of difference in our schools. Violence is in the schools. Healing and a cease to bullying need to happen. But I question how does that happen when there is still the label amongst the system stating "this child of difference is not allowed".
I think that this overlaps with other children of difference. I think this is where we all can connect, Alopecia or not. Children of difference deserve the access to education. People deserve love from others, the system, and self. How appropriate to learn about this over pride weekend. As I was boogying my ass off with 900 other bald people to celebrate our difference, my home – the bay area was dancing for all of us as well.
What I found comical:
Killer bees. As I was listening to the medical update about Alopecia Areata- they threw out the term “killer bees”. Honestly, after a late night drive from the bay, an early morning talk on the development of children, and no coffee- I was snoozing. But as soon as one doctor threw out the term “killer bees”, my pupils opened, and there was a giggle in my belly.
“Killer bees” is being used as a term to describe the process of my body attacking my hair follicle- because it has a swarm effect. So I have killer bees in me. Comical, interesting, and I kind of want to be sarcastic about it and say “Really?! WTF? That’s what you got doctors? Killer Bees? Really?
Makes sense, like in Winnie the Pooh- when the bees were attacking, they ran to the mud- us Alopecians run to the poison oak. (Excuse my sarcasm).
Moving on…
What motivated me:
One doctor I really got a lot out of went over all the treatments- although it seemed daunting to sit through, it was extremely informative. My favorite part of his talk was the comparison or Alopecia Areata to the movie Click. He warned the audience to skip the movie, not worth it. But the basic concept of the movie Click was that the main actor fast forwards through all of the bad parts of his life. Leaving him with the feeling that he had not really lived. The doctor made the connection that “we can not fast forward through Alopecia Areata” it might be worth while to explore to deeper meanings of who we truly are in this experience. I got it. There is no fast forwarding through Alopecia Areata.
This made me think a lot about my career. And going to the conference really pointed out to me the lack of psychological services and therapeutic support given to this community. The monetary support is in the medical (makes sense and I am not complaining), but I have to question as mentioned before, how far are we going to go to be pricked and prodded to treat a non-threatening disease when Alopecians are highly aware about day to day interactions. And when is the time we are going to stop pushing the fast forward button on medical treatment and dig a little deeper into the experience of the alopecian on a day-to-day basis?
I loved the conference- but its only once a year. I love my support group meetings- but they are only every other month. Not that I want to walk with “woe with me I have alopecia” everyday- it’s been ten years and there is a point to which we must eventually let go of the grief of hair loss, but we as a community have the ability to share something deeper, to connect our shared humanity with the world. We have the capability to stand for difference and a strong power/ investment into social justice that isn’t being recognized. It’s time to tap into a broader understanding of transformation.
Learning to be the newbie: VIP
This was my first conference. I was VIP (literally had to have that on my name tag) because I was a newbie. It was a bit strange to be the newbie, but to be so old (not age- but 10 years- notches under my belt with Alopecia). A woman at the conference one night asked how I was doing since I was a newbie. I could see the rush of sympathy through her bones. I appreciated her caring, but I felt very fragile. I joked it off with- "Oh I have had it for ten years, I just haven't been to a conference" but there was something in that interaction that made me feel a duality. I was a VIP, but I also felt "fragile" and I didn't like that. But I realize it was good for me to experience. I often hold my head high- because I am the vet of Alopecia- I am bare and I show the world that it's possible. I am the strong one. But to have the VIP newbie tag- really humbled me. It really allowed myself to say: "why do you have to be strong all the time Heather? And why can't you accept someone asking "how are you?" So I was VIP and now on further reflection, damn it felt good.
So specialness, last but not least. The more I think about it, I had a hard time being just another bald head in the sea of Alopecians at the conference. I often pride myself on the choice I have made to not wear a wig or hat. I am confident to confront conversation, answer questions, and radiate Alopecia. But I realized how far I need to go with true acceptance of me myself and I. Me as radiant and not my bald head (my bald head is sexy- don't get me wrong but that's not the full package). This is where India Arie's "I am not my hair" interplays.
All of the sudden I found my self going from being bare as my specialness, it's what gets me into conversation with people, sometimes accesses me to resources I feel I would not have, etc. But once I walked into that hotel for the conference. I was scared- I had a momentary panic of "my specialness is gone. I am like everybody else". This scared me to realize I ride so much confidence of myself on Alopecia. And after I left the conference I have to admit, I had a little fear in me. What if my hair grew back? How would I be special? Once I get on one of these existential life lessons, I am not one to easily drop it. I realize that this is something I really want to hone in on. I want to believe that my specialness lies within my self (persona, laugh, charisma, etc), and not so readily rely on my defining of Alopecia to define who I am. As the weekend went on, I realized the connections I made really were powerful and based off of something so much greater than my insecurities. I realize the importance for that conference and I hope to continue to go because it pointed out that my specialness lies so much deeper than to have hair or not. But me. We all have the specialness in us and it's important to be spot checked on it from time to time.
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