Playground rules 101

Since losing my hair, the one place that has continually been a struggle to go and keep my head high, bald and proud, shinning and beaming... is the playground.

Maybe some sort of structured social system is built into each twist of static plastic, always in good spirit but with a bit of a bite. As a child the playground has always been a historical site of intrepedation. And even as a almost 25 year old woman... my knees start to quake when I think bald woman in playground.

What will the kids think? How will I handle the child yelling monster from above the plastic molded castle, or the kids go upwards the slide- thinking why does she have no hair?

Yes these insecurities exist- I am not going to say they don't. I think these things. And it's good to write it down.

I experienced the playground the other day, while taking a friend's little son to the park with his mom.

"She doens't have hair and it is funny"

The father of the 7ish year old boy quickly says "hush hush- that's not nice." (I am glad he spoke up)

I responded with "It must be funny- because you do not see it often- right? But a woman can be bald- and that can be okay too."

and then as I am minding my own business day dreaming on the swings... watching my friend and her son have an adorable swing moment (trying to tame my biological clock..."ohhh I want one... not now heather not now... but one day... kids are so cute...)

"WOW YOU DON'T HAVE HAIR!"

I mother joyfully announces across the playground...

(no shit sherlock)

We have cheerful chat about Alopecia.... "ALO what?"

She ended up being a bit of a neurotic north coast lively mom- but hey where would we be without the characters right?

By the end of the playground expedition I felt a bit wiped. Not mad, or sad, or anxious (like had been in playground situations in the past) I was just wiped out. There are times I like to hold my head high. But I notice- it's that damn playground... I still gatta say... it will be okay.

And amazingly enough I have to remember... kids= play and attention and compassion= me and I am proud of it- what ever I look like and what ever conversations I have to face. Like tides- they're going to be high/ low/ rough/ calm. I it's about playing. It's about saying... at least I played.

I will try again with the playground and try to remember what I wrote, and what I am feeling that... it is okay to play.