Disentangle

Feb 7th 2012
The end of January brought my 11th anniversary with Alopecia Areata. This year was about transformation. Each year I can feel it shifting and changing the meaning and myself in new ways. For years, January 26th was about loss and grief and these past two years were: after-the-storm-and-the-sun-comes-out-everything- is-clean and it’s time to get outside doing things. Living.
Last year was about changing the thought process of loss to what are my gains. This year I learned my word… like in Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert… “What is your word?” This year it is: Disentangle.
After careful repetitive themes and reminders in my life I am realizing that meaningfulness is important but everything doesn’t have to be connected. I think about the growing pains of my life and for a long time I considered them going hand in hand. This year it dawned on me: compartmentalization is good.
My hair loss is not tangled with other pains that I have experienced in my life. Alopecia does not have to be the measurement of my relationships and my capacity to love. My lack of hair is not measure to the amount of love and compassion that I hold for others and myself.
In therapy I have been going over the theme of what is my representation (outside vs. inside), can I find equilibrium and insure healthy boundaries. I also learned that it’s okay to state how you would like to be seen- in that moment. I want to be seen as human, someone who is kickass inspirational but someone that doesn’t have to be the revolutionary inspiration all the time. I make mistakes and I hurt- but I come back and keep walking even though it’s hard sometimes.
So this year it is about disentangling.
Everything doesn’t have to be connected completely- all the time. My insecurities in one area of my life, does not need to determine my fate in another area. It is time to do a little sorting, cutting the insecure tangled connections, compartmentalize, and hold meaning because life is precious. Each piece in it’s own way and own place is beautiful even in the madness and stress. But like an exotic moth being saved in it’s own compartment box. It is intricate on it’s own which then makes up an entire species. We each have a place and calling- our own intricate details that are precious- so it’s time to sort and celebrate a new year. A new year of disentanglement: to find clarity and joy.

Returning home from a trip to DC. 2012 oh the things you have in store. Travel- so important- gets out of your routine… even if it’s walking a different way. Switch it up- it’s good for you.

In a Christmas Tradition I want a little more umph of love, living, and community

A few years back I was honored to be a teacher to some amazing kids. I was digging through some old papers and I found some notes on Kwanzaa. Let me just tell you Kwanzaa kicks ass and that is the kind of rejuvenation I need in my life, culture, and soul.

Kwanzaa:
Dec. 26-Jan 1

There are seven principles:
1) Umoja- Unity
2) Kujichagulia- Self determination
3) Ujima- Collective work and responsibility
4) Ujamaa- cooperative economics
5) Nia- purpose
6) Kuumbe- creativity
7) Imani- Faith

These principles is really jiving with where I am at in life. And needing a little something something. Christmas get ready because the meaning boys are back in town.

Intimacy and Leaping in faith

Listen Widely, Speak Humbly, Breathe Deeply

Give it up

Everybody wants you
Everybody wants your love
I'd just like to make you mine all mine
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,
Baby give it up
Give it up, Baby give it up
-KC and the Sunshine Band
"Give it up"

Inviting others into the journey and understanding the other person....

I keep things close and "I'm fine" is constantly flying out of my mouth. What's so scary about letting others in and to speak about my experience in life. It is time to find healthy boundaries but not to be afraid to stand up and speak.

Art, Soul, and Transformation

This past week I attended the Art Therapy Association Conference in Washington D.C. During the conference I was able to expand my understanding of materials in therapeutic practice. Not only did I learn about book arts, but also I took a class on fabric collage when working with trauma survivors. My mind was expanded in the populations I want to work with in the future. I started off learning about dual relationships in small communities. I often have my mind buzzing from dreams and goals such as eventually living up in the country working with rural communities. I learned so much about the complexities of dual relationships in small communities, the importance of confidentiality, and thinking about self disclosure through the internet. This really started making me consider the ways in which I have self disclosed through facebook, or even this blog. The question came to mind, as a writer/ artist disclosing (to a certain degree) is part of my process, but as a future therapist how could that hinder my relationship to the profession, my clients, and privacy/ boundaries of self.

I was incredibly moved by the momentum behind working with military soliders returning from oversees, particularly demonstrating PTSD. There was a panel on the projects behind this movement. And a client shared his story processing his battle with PTSD. And next thing I know he said... My disability will no longer be my liability. My jaw dropped because going on a year and half ago I spoke those words through my sermon at Glide Memorial Church when interning there. I realized about blessings and hidden interconnectedness that truly exists. There is healing happening in this world and it's going to get so much better. My vocation is calling. And here I am- ready!